My Lauren Blog

In November of 2002, I went to the doctor to confirm that I was indeed pregnant again. I was so angry. Angry at Matt, angry at myself, angry and God for placing that new life in my womb. Here is a horrible confession, when the doctor was doing the dating ultrasound, I remember praying that there not be a heartbeat. I remember him saying "look at that, beating away". I laid there motionless. For the next 2 months, we didn't tell a soul. The only people that knew were Matt and my boss and an old friend. I chose not to tell family for fear of being lectured on being pregnant so soon after giving birth. Oh, don't forget, Faith was 6 months old the day we found out.

My pregnancy with Lauren was a wild one. OMG, was I sick. Then around 22 weeks, I started having what I thought were contractions. It turned out to be stretching (I was so embarrassed) and then thing were quiet until 32 weeks. Just like with Faith, I went into to preterm labor. But, unlike Faith, I didn't dilate. But, I did end up back on bedrest. After a bit, I was able to return to work part time. My entire pregnancy, I knew the baby would be Hope if we ended up with another girl. After the ultrasound tech slipped and said the sex, we knew for sure that Baby Hope was on the way. Everyone knew her as Hope but I secretly also loved the name Lauren. Then around 35 weeks while driving home baby Hope was wiggling. I remember rubbing my belly and then I made a deal with the baby. If you like the name Hope then kick me. Nope not a kick. If you like the name Lauren then kick me. BAM! So, Lauren it was. LOL

At 36 weeks, she decided it was time to make her appearance. We announced the name change but then said we'd know for sure when we saw her. After talking with Matt's dad, we learned that his fraternal grandmother was named Grace. I absolutely adore the name Grace. So, since we knew Matt would never get his boy we discussed it and knew we'd probably use Grace as a middle name. Then they came to wheel me down for surgery. I remember feeling pain while they were doing the c-section. The poor anesthesiologist kept saying "I've given you all I can" but I could still feel. Then the doctor announced that she was out. Man did that kid scream! That was pure joy for Matt and I as Faith didn't cry for a few minutes after birth. I remember thanking God right there on the spot for that welcomed noise. I didn't get to see her until after 8PM. I immediately sent Matt to the nursery to get her. My Faith was born with blonde fuzz, the new baby actually had a little dark hair and her cheeks were so full! And as I told to expect, once I held her, all of the guilt set in about my prior feelings. I couldn't believe that I could ever feel the way I did. I have since been told though that it was completely normal given the horrible delivery and recovery I had with Faith.

Anyway, we told family that she would have a name by Noon the next day. At 10am, while holding her, we went back and forth and decided on Lauren Grace. She was 7lbs and 0oz and 18.5 inches long. After 3 days in the hospital, we headed home to become a family of 4.

Whereas Faith had colic, Miss Lauren didn't and OMG was that awesome! We watched Lauren grow and thrive...one came .... two came....here comes three. It was then that we noticed things were just not right with her. It was things that normally wouldn't freak someone out on a normal basis....the sun, moving her to a different car seat, clothing, etc. Our pediatrician suggested we take her to a Occupational Therapist for an eval. After examining her, we learned she had Sensory Integration Dysfunction. In some ways it mimics autism. After going through therapy, a whole new side of Lauren immersed. She has since graduated from therapy but we still do some of the exercises we learned while there.

On June 9, 2008, my little Lauren Grace will turn 5 years old. I can not believe that time has flown by so quickly. I have enjoyed every first with her. And on August 11, 2008, I will take my baby to Kindergarten. My heart aches for the fact that once she enters those doors there will be no turning back, she will be exposed to things that I have worked hard to keep her from. Yes, I am excited for her - new learning experiences, new friends, etc. But, she is my baby and this just stinks.

I have 2 more days of preschool to hear about and about 3 more weeks of having a 4 year old to enjoy. And trust me, I plan on it.