My Lauren Blog

In November of 2002, I went to the doctor to confirm that I was indeed pregnant again. I was so angry. Angry at Matt, angry at myself, angry and God for placing that new life in my womb. Here is a horrible confession, when the doctor was doing the dating ultrasound, I remember praying that there not be a heartbeat. I remember him saying "look at that, beating away". I laid there motionless. For the next 2 months, we didn't tell a soul. The only people that knew were Matt and my boss and an old friend. I chose not to tell family for fear of being lectured on being pregnant so soon after giving birth. Oh, don't forget, Faith was 6 months old the day we found out.

My pregnancy with Lauren was a wild one. OMG, was I sick. Then around 22 weeks, I started having what I thought were contractions. It turned out to be stretching (I was so embarrassed) and then thing were quiet until 32 weeks. Just like with Faith, I went into to preterm labor. But, unlike Faith, I didn't dilate. But, I did end up back on bedrest. After a bit, I was able to return to work part time. My entire pregnancy, I knew the baby would be Hope if we ended up with another girl. After the ultrasound tech slipped and said the sex, we knew for sure that Baby Hope was on the way. Everyone knew her as Hope but I secretly also loved the name Lauren. Then around 35 weeks while driving home baby Hope was wiggling. I remember rubbing my belly and then I made a deal with the baby. If you like the name Hope then kick me. Nope not a kick. If you like the name Lauren then kick me. BAM! So, Lauren it was. LOL

At 36 weeks, she decided it was time to make her appearance. We announced the name change but then said we'd know for sure when we saw her. After talking with Matt's dad, we learned that his fraternal grandmother was named Grace. I absolutely adore the name Grace. So, since we knew Matt would never get his boy we discussed it and knew we'd probably use Grace as a middle name. Then they came to wheel me down for surgery. I remember feeling pain while they were doing the c-section. The poor anesthesiologist kept saying "I've given you all I can" but I could still feel. Then the doctor announced that she was out. Man did that kid scream! That was pure joy for Matt and I as Faith didn't cry for a few minutes after birth. I remember thanking God right there on the spot for that welcomed noise. I didn't get to see her until after 8PM. I immediately sent Matt to the nursery to get her. My Faith was born with blonde fuzz, the new baby actually had a little dark hair and her cheeks were so full! And as I told to expect, once I held her, all of the guilt set in about my prior feelings. I couldn't believe that I could ever feel the way I did. I have since been told though that it was completely normal given the horrible delivery and recovery I had with Faith.

Anyway, we told family that she would have a name by Noon the next day. At 10am, while holding her, we went back and forth and decided on Lauren Grace. She was 7lbs and 0oz and 18.5 inches long. After 3 days in the hospital, we headed home to become a family of 4.

Whereas Faith had colic, Miss Lauren didn't and OMG was that awesome! We watched Lauren grow and thrive...one came .... two came....here comes three. It was then that we noticed things were just not right with her. It was things that normally wouldn't freak someone out on a normal basis....the sun, moving her to a different car seat, clothing, etc. Our pediatrician suggested we take her to a Occupational Therapist for an eval. After examining her, we learned she had Sensory Integration Dysfunction. In some ways it mimics autism. After going through therapy, a whole new side of Lauren immersed. She has since graduated from therapy but we still do some of the exercises we learned while there.

On June 9, 2008, my little Lauren Grace will turn 5 years old. I can not believe that time has flown by so quickly. I have enjoyed every first with her. And on August 11, 2008, I will take my baby to Kindergarten. My heart aches for the fact that once she enters those doors there will be no turning back, she will be exposed to things that I have worked hard to keep her from. Yes, I am excited for her - new learning experiences, new friends, etc. But, she is my baby and this just stinks.

I have 2 more days of preschool to hear about and about 3 more weeks of having a 4 year old to enjoy. And trust me, I plan on it.

Long time - no post

Several months ago, I sat here typing wondering if there was any hope. Appointment, after appointment for Matt seemed to go no where. Then came the let down of no SSI for now until we win. Then more tests, another EEG, this time it was 72 hours long and with the same result...NOTHING IS SHOWING UP.

But, here is the hope that I have found. My husband is able to walk, speak, see and hear and for that I am eternal grateful. I have two girls who are my light. One child is laid back and very sweet. She has such a happy and innocent feel to her. The other child, well, she keeps me on the go. She is my girlie girl who lets no one take advantage of her. Both of their personalities are exactly what I need in this crazy mixed up world.

Since my post in January, I have had to say good bye to my favorite uncle in the entire world. My uncle Benny died and I miss him. I miss the fact that he will not be with us for another Christmas Eve dinner, I miss him calling my Grandmother while we are there visiting. I'll miss the "hello Nicole" that only he could give. Uncle Benny, I miss you, I hope you know that.

What else? Matt spent a couple of days in the hospital in March and I learned something while he was gone. My life would be plain and empty without him. I missed his hugs and his reassurance that we're going to be ok, that he will be ok.

Faith is close to rounding out Kindergarten. Today will be one week until her 6th birthday. Yes, my baby turns 6 next Sunday, April 27th. Since September, she has learned all of the letters of the alphabet, 40 site words, numbers, counting money, etc, etc, etc. She simply amazes me. In late August when her teacher had to do an evaluation on her for the State she knew 2 letters. By October when the same test was re administered, she knew every one! Her teacher said that she approached her desk and said "have you ever known a child like me"? To which she replied "no, I really haven't". She did attend a tutoring session until December and then went back in February and it just ended. It wasn't' that she needed it but it gave her the upper hand for Kindergarten. As of now, she is reading at a mid-first grade level. Can you believe that? She also earned the highest award a Kindergarten student can get at her school, the Platinum award. She met and/or exceeded all of the goals set at the beginning of the year. I cried like a fool but it just felt so good to see how far she'd come.

Lauren will finish up her Mother's Morning Out class in May. We have watched our shy little girl emerge. You know the saying "I am woman, hear me roar"? Well, that is what she did and roar loud and clear she has. She has learned a lot from watching Faith with her homework and will go in next year with a clear advantage over as to when Faith started out this year. She is still all about dressing up and being a princess. My sweet Lauren will turn 5 in June. Where did the last 5 years go? She wants to play T-ball again this summer so we're watching for the information to be posted so that we can sign her up.

I'll try to post some new photos for our family and friends in other areas. Have a good week!

It's been a while...

The last few months have been wild to say the least. Matt was denied twice for SSI and as we were planning for his 3rd appeal, we learned of a letter written by his Neurologist to his PCP that said Matt was 100% better. BIG FAT SLAP IN THE FACE. By the time we learned of this, it was to late to ask him to write and explain what he meant, we missed the deadline and now have to start all over again.

I did find an Emory doctor for him (and that's what we wanted the whole time) so that leaves finding him a PCP in our area and then all of his doctors will now be on our side of town. It will be so nice not having to drive over an hour to take him to the doctor.

The kids are great. It's so hard to believe that they will be 5 & 6 this year. You guys really weren't kidding, time does fly by!

I just celebrated my 1 year anniversary at work and also received a raise. Our slogan for this year is 2008 will be great! And dang it, I think we are all due a GREAT year!

What's been happening with us...

First off, it's hot here!!! The weather man is saying 95 but I swear it's 150. Last week, we saw triple digits for real and oh goodness did we almost melt.

It's been a bit since I last posted. So, let me fill you all in. I'll post some pictures as soon as I get them down loaded to the computer.

Faith and Lauren both started school. Faith is in Kindergarten and Lauren is doing a Mother's Morning Out program 2 days a week.

Both seem to LOVE school, Faith more than Lauren (but that's not shocking). Faith has had a hard time adjusting to the rules that she has to follow. What can I say? She's a natural talker like her mom and loves to socialize. Lauren just doesn't like to be left. Oh well, next year, she'll go all day instead of the 4 hours a day she does now. So, she needs to get used to it.

Let's see, Matt, is doing ok. He had a good week but today has had some problems. He goes back to the Neurologist tomorrow and we have to talk about this shaking that's going on with his hands. Just something else added to the mix.

Well, I'm going to run get Faith ready for bed. She heads back to school tomorrow.

Have a super week!

More Seizures

Matt had such a great day yesterday (Aug 4th) and then while we were at the City of Smyrna birthday celebration, he suffered a seizure. It was a small one and he did ok afterwards.

Then while in church this morning, he suffered 2 more. We ended up leaving church early and Matt caught a ride in his new wheel chair. He said that it made him feel safer than using the cane. He even used it tonight while we were out grocery shopping.

As you can imagine, he was very embarrased this morning. We meet with his Neurologist in about 2 weeks but to be honest, I think Matt wants to go sooner. I'll call this week and see what he says.

Please just keep praying!

A Seizure Free Saturday!

The prayers are working. Matt has NOT had a seizure today!

It's been a while since they've been quiet and we (especially Matt) are loving it!!!

5 Days Later

1st off, my Grandmother is doing much better. When we spoke earlier she said that the meds seemed to have kicked in. She was able to get out and ride her stationary bike today. Praise, God!

Now for Matt, he is still having seizures. It looks like we won't make the 4 weeks as his doctor had hoped. If he's not better by Friday, we'll make the 2 week appt he told us to make as a back up.
Please just keep praying. Matt looks different to me........